An Awkward Nightly Meeting

10 minutes ago, I heard my flatmate come home from a second date. I barged into the kitchen shouting: "Did you get to second base?!" while further opening the door and realising the girl was standing there..

Prostitution Behind the Veil

After Robocop 3 had finished, I began channel surfing and after a while got stuck on BBC4 watching a Swedish documentary Prostitution Behind the Veil which follows the life of two crack whores in Teheran. At first, I merely kept on following it to brush up my Swedish (for which purpose it's also good as the narrator/director Nahid Persson is foreign and speaks very slowly and clearly) but soon realised it's one of the most interesting documentaries I've seen in ages, and it's available on Google video (with English subs);

Sotaveteraanit, our Founding Fathers

Apologies to the one foreign reader, this post will be, for practical reasons, in Finnish. It includes my favourite quotes from the conversations between two opposing Facebook groups: "Let's Help Our Somali Friends Back Home" and "Let's Help Our Racist Friends Back to Space".


1.

"

(ituhippeli) KAIKKI SOTAVETERAANIT AJATTELEE SAMALLA TAVALLA KU FACEBOOKIN ISÄMMAAN PUALLUSTAJAT. NEKIN 25% JOTKA SODAN JÄLKEEN ÄÄNESTI SKDL:ÄÄ
(punavihree) Toi on kyl paras argumentti ihan mihin tahansa
(punavihree) tän maan pyhin asia ei oo kristus vaan sotaveteraanit
(punavihree) Mitä sotaveteraanit ajattelis jos ostat maahantuotua riisiä?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
(ituhippeli) "SOTAVETERAANIT" on Suomen vastine "FOUNDING FATHERS"ille
(kommari) Mitähän sotaveteraanit ajattelevat siitä ettei nokia enää tarjoa pannarin kanssa kermavaahtoa!
(punavihree) Mitähän sotaveteraanit ajattelisivat siitä jos kermavaahtoon sekoittaisi kaakaojauhetta niin ettei se enää olisikaan vitivalkoista??
(ituhippeli) EI OLLUT JATKOSODASSA KAAKAOTA. KUIVATTUA PASKAA VAAN MAIDONKORVIKKEESEEN SEKOTETTIIN JA SITÄ JUOTIIN. JA RYSSIÄ TAPETTIIN. HOMOSTELTU EI YHTÄÄN. KYLLÄ OLI ASIAT SILLON PAREMMIN. KEKKONEN SIBELIUS TALVISOTA. KAISANIEMEN PUSKAT."

2.

"tuolla vastaryhmässä taitaa olla jonkinsortin ikuisia opiskelijoita? kenenköhän rahoilla nekin elelee? ja ainaki perustaja näyttää silt että on tainnu jäädä intti käymättä."

3.

"Kukkahatut"

4.

Näköjään perustettu gruuppi "Autetaan rasisti-ystävämme takaisin avaruuteen" miks tollanen nimi, en mä oo ainakaan ufo.

Miss Finland 2009

The generations affected by Chernobyl's radiation seem to have entered the Miss Finland competition this year. Please, I beg you, let's not send anyone to Miss Universe next year to spoil our reputation. Eino Makunen would turn in his grave. (He is dead, right?)

My personal favourites:

πολεμικως

Snow arrived, again. Busses and lectures cancelled. People mindlessly throwing a dozen snowballs at anyone who happens to pass by. Makes me miss the civilized country of Finland..

"La Petite Morte"

I bet Cristiano Ronaldo would be the master of this game, being such a wanker. Ha ha.



the website of the joydick project

Natalie Portman Raps

Doughball

It's been a bad day. The new regime has fallen; I missed my first lectures of the semester, mainly to avoid seeing certain three faces I can't stand. Even the hot Italian master's student girl wouldn't have made up for the misery seeing those three assfaces would've made me feel that early in the morning. Well, the presentation is over and hopefully I will never have to speak to them again. I thought I had relatively good team working skills, but this project has made want to withdraw to a cabin in the Finnish lake district and never come back.

And how the hell did David Thewlis ..



.. score the most beautiful woman ever to exist, Anna Friel?



She must be a doughball!

Sex-ccess/Puuhkera!

Jesus Christ (adj.)

Can’t think of a better word to describe the party we had on Friday. Ken’s ingenious idea of bribing the neighbours with chocolate bars worked perfectly, about a hundred guests during the night and no police intervention. Another good idea was to only invite girls, the guys would show up anyway. And it must have been the first Dundonian party with close to 1:1 ratio of the two sexes.



The preparations for the party began weeks before when we made leaflets with the Rainbow Toiletman and handed them out to all prettier-than-average girls in the library. Quite a few of them actually ended up coming, though most thought we were just creepy. One of the girls infested with creepiness suspicions turned out to be my flatmate’s ex-girlfriend, which we found out when we went to get our invitation back from her as we thought she didn’t appreciate it enough; “Isn’t this Chris and Martti’s party?!” No sight of her on Friday. Bitch.



On the eve I prepared my first punch ever and it turned out perfect. Here’s the recipe I used:

4 l of lemonade
2 dl of blackcurrant juice concentrate
2 l of cranberry juice
lemon juice
1 l of vodka
+ big ice cubes made using plastic cups



At 10pm Gong Fei played an amazing live set. I have added a video below but the quality is shite thanks to my useless Nikon. Here’s the band's myspace link , I strongly recommend listening to Mason Dixon, a great lo-fi tune that reminds me of the best Times New Viking songs.



Most of what happened after the gig is not recorded on my hard drive. I vaguely remember, though, being very surprised when I saw five black men in my room. I’ve never had any dark skinned friends. Foreigners aren’t really allowed in Finland, you know. I heard we also had a vertically challenged person at the party. She must have been tiny as none of us remembers having seen her. Arrogant and racist, this blog is.

At some point I was also wrapped in toilet paper, a photo I saw today revealed. Apparently I had saved the day by crawling into the wardrobe, into which we had stocked all our valuables, and discovered the missing ass wipes. I was told I shouted loudly when this victorious moment took place.



Furthermore, German Erasmus students took over the music in my room with their iPhones. At first I was a little annoyed, but then I realised someone had put on a Modeselektor song which was played repeatedly for eight times. Can’t really blame them, can I...even for playing Tiësto.



The next morning I woke up and was gutted to find out my hangover orange was gone! As were my peach slices. Luckily I wasn’t hangover yet.. I was still PUUHKERA, which is Finnish for the state when you wake up after a night of alcohol consuming and realise you must act quickly and take care of everything that needs to be done before the ill feeling strikes. Hence, I ran to Somerfield faster than a lightning, or the Phantom, only to find out that it was the only shop in the world to ever run out of oranges. Two honeydew melons for £3 were to be my saviour.



The funniest discovery of the morning was this; a guitar covered with blood after heavy Lily Allen covering.