Nothing gets a lady to come up to your house more quickly than an eight ball. Nothing makes her more likely to receive your kiss and you more likely to have balls enough to deliver it. The problem is you have to do at least four lines and three songs before you can bust a move and that is not exactly a recipe for an erect penis. Just multiply Shakespeare’s line, “It provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance,” by about a thousand. You’d be an asshole not to have Viagra hanging around, but most of us are assholes, so fuck it, you try to feed it in there like a piece of wet spaghetti. Once it’s two-thirds of the way in, you start “rabbit fucking,” hoping the friction will bring it to life, but alas, her vagina poos it out like a sad worm getting voted off Survivor. The worst part is, if you don’t get a second chance, she tells all her friends and you are forever known in girl land as “Sad Arthur” (or whatever your actual name is).
From Vice
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